serialdeviant.org(y)

The production office in at my new employers must be extremely highly valued; their extension number is 8888.

May the factory always produce the goods on time, surpassing all quality expectations and dazzling customers with their super-ness!

Yep, we saw it.

Neil’s take: not bad, nothing special, didn’t tell him anything he didn’t know before (except the details on the Bush family’s ties with the Sauds and the Bin Laden family).

I think I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn’t already read and heard all about it from everyone, on the Internet and in real life. One expat, on seeing the film, had become an expert on the foibles, failings, and fuck ups of the Bush White House.

(Others don’t even acknowledge its existence because they’re going to vote for Bush anyway.)

Basically, if I didn’t already know about the Patriot Act via ice cream van, chasing representatives (senators?) down to ask them to enlist their children, the images of wounded and dying Iraqis and American soldiers, and the opening scene, I would have laughed and cried and been shocked a lot more.

The images of George Bush sitting and doing a great impression of a deer in headlights while trying to read My Pet Goat were still pretty effective, though, I must say.

In These Times has a pretty well documented piece on how the Bush administration used the intelligence assessments it received on terrorism threats. I’d like Michael, Steve, Kevin, and Dan to read it, then tell me again why Bush is best-qualified right now to lead their nation into war, then into peace and unity, regaining international respect, support, and co-operation around the world.

But then again, they might not care for such things, and want someone to barrel ahead and satisfy an agenda, justified or not. In that case, the Bush White House is the best team for the job.

I got the link from The Road to Surfdom.

As the company bus was leaving Jimei, we ended up temporarily stuck behind this truck whose driver had clearly not thought about height restrictions when it came to bridges.

Tom Ridge defended his Orange terror alerts for New York, Washington, and North Jersey by saying that even if the information was old, some of it had been updated recently. Plus:

“We said at the beginning that the casings were done in 2000 and 2001, but were updated as recently as January of this year,” said Fran Townsend, the White House homeland security adviser, in an interview on NBC’s “Today” show. “And, in fact, what we know about al Qaeda is that they case things and they do their homework well in advance and then update it before an attack.”

Hey, I’m all for pre-empting any possible attack by being more alert and trying to secure valuable buildings. Makes us safer and all that, right? The Bush administration has been working tirelessly over the last three years to disable and destroy al Qaeda, right?

“I think the indications are that this has been a very longstanding effort on the part of al Qaeda,” one official said Sunday, “that it dates from before 9/11, it continued after 9/11 and based on what it is that we are concerned about, we know about in terms of al Qaeda’s plans and intentions that it probably continues even today.”

So, three years after a country like the US, with all its defence spending, has *cough* taken the war to the enemy *cough*, terrorist groups like al Qaeda are still able to plan for attacks effectively enough to worry the Homeland Security Department?

I’ve just learned that my much younger godbrother Iain, of Kilmacolm in Scotland, is the proud father of a baby girl. Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick with bouncy exercise shoes. According to my mum in an e-mail to Iain’s dad:

He has beaten my 2 girls to parenthood.

And he is very welcome to that title, thank you very much.

Congratulations Iain — you guys sure know how to shock a girl.

• Commando sheep won’t be fenced in, where they would survive better in WWII than most of our boys who can’t even execute Playstation war game moves accurately (private joke, points if you get it).
• 500m Chinese ‘have never brushed their teeth’, which doesn’t surprise anyone who’s seen a local smile.

I promise that I only look this dazed and confused because I’m a newbie at the office. I promise I will one day remember everyone’s name, their department, and what floor they work on. I promise that I will one day get vocal at a meeting where the only language used is Chinese, even if it’s only to ask a question. I promise to bring my own coffee mug in the morning. I promise to learn to use my computer’s Chinese version of Windows 98 as well as I learned how to use it in English (or I could get a new computer…). And I promise not to surf porn in the office.

My first day was good. I was assigned a number of projects. I was given stationery. I have my own computer and my own extension. Goddamn, I have an office, although that’s down to a complete fluke and is no measure of my abilities and experience.

(I got home to find out from SimonWorld that Glenn had, as promised, sent some link love my way while I was busy trying to get used to a full-time job again. Thank you, Glenn.)

I’m tired, and I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

Tonight, Neil and I are doing something to celebrate. Neither of us are sure what activity is going to define our celebration — a good movie (I read Hellboy is now out on DVD), a big spread for dinner (I’m leaning towards another all-you-can-eat or Little Chilli), a night out… something.

On Monday morning, I start my new job, the first real job I’ve had since moving to Xiamen. I sent in a CV, went for an interview, a position was proffered, and I accepted. Then I went home and jumped up and down a lot.

It’s not The Economist or like anything I’ve ever done, there is no obsessive keeping up with the news and regional issues as with my previous job (which also provided great fodder for this website), but I think there will be a lot of writing and talking, challenges, unglamorous trudging around, and travel. I know there will be days when I’ll be pissed off, effing and blinding at everything that moves. The hours will be long, but I’ll be doing something with visible results.

I’ll need to start throwing good parties.

Thrilled doesn’t cover it. Ecstatic doesn’t cover it. I’ve been given a chance to get involved in something that some others would deem as pretty bloody cool, and although it’s not an industry I ever thought I’d join (in any way, shape, or form), I think I’m up to it.

No words can really describe how fucking great I feel.

I envy those who can, and do, spend the time to write smart, witty things on the Internet.

Serving country in armed forces: good.
Not fighting in war you oppose: also good.
Fighting in war you oppose: complex.
Serving country in armed forces and then fighting to end war you oppose: doubleplus good.
Not fighting in war you support: deeply hypocritical.
Not fighting in war you support and then blaming black people for not letting you serve (known to ethicists as “the DeLay conundrum”): hypocrisy so deep it cannot be plumbed by known moral instruments.
Having “other priorities” during war you support: vacuous.
Enlisting in National Guard: good.
Using one’s father’s connections to jump the line waiting to enlist in National Guard, in order to avoid service in Vietnam: bad, but widely practiced and considered merely venial in some cultures.
Using one’s father’s connections etc. and then not fulfilling obligations to National Guard after all: unambiguously bad.
Using one’s father’s connections etc., not fulfilling obligations etc., then serving as commander-in-chief, waging war under false pretenses, and extending reservists’ terms of service in war while cutting veterans’ benefits: kind of like being on Tom DeLay’s moral level, only worse.

I envy them, but then their existence means I don’t feel like I have to try, and then fail, at being smart and witty.

‘Most wanted’al Qaeda bomber held in Pakistan:

Ahmed Khalfan Ghailani, a Tanzanian national is wanted for synchronised bombings that killed more than 200 people at US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania in 1998.

…

Ghailani was among seven people about whom the United States said in May it was seeking information amid fears of a possible attack in the near future.

Remember The New Republic’s story about alleged US government pressure to deliver High Value Targets during the Democratic National Convention? Here’s their update:

[Editor's Note: This afternoon, Pakistan's interior minister, Faisal Saleh Hayyat, announced that Pakistani forces had captured Ahmed Khalfan Ghailani, a Tanzanian Al Qaeda operative wanted in connection with the 1998 bombings of U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. The timing of this announcement should be of particular interest to readers of The New Republic. Earlier this month, John B. Judis, Spencer Ackerman, and Massoud Ansari broke the story of how the Bush administration was pressuring Pakistani officials to apprehend high-value targets (HVTs) in time for the November elections--and in particular, to coincide with the Democratic National Convention. Although the capture took place in central Pakistan "a few days back," the announcement came just hours before John Kerry will give his acceptance speech in Boston.]

The story claimed the US government wanted any announcements of arrests to be made during the first three days of the convention (26-28 July). John Kerry made his speech on 29 July — obviously, this allegation of the US government trying to pressure other governments for domestic political purposes is a complete fabrication.

Coincidence or not, the timing sure is incredibly convenient.

Update: You know, I was only kidding about the difference in dates proving the non-political value the timing of this capture has. Some people clearly aren’t.

Yo, what gives? It’s the 29th of July today, right? We wanted the ISI to turn UBL over on the first three days of the convention–not the last–the better to get the full news cycle…what happened?

You’d think that all we needed to do on our first night in our new apartment was to unpack as much as possible, and settle into a well-deserved night’s sleep. Well, you’d think wrong.

I’ll remind all that it’s summer, and a Xiamen summer isn’t balmy. If it’s a clear day, it’s boiling hot. If it’s overcast, it’s hot and extremely humid. Air conditioning is a must for all spoiled foreigners in the city. Needless to say, the real estate agent, H (who, by the way, has earned his commission, no question), informed us that he couldn’t get a hold of the person who is in possession of the air conditioner remote controls.

“Just suffer tonight with the fan and I’ll get you the remotes tomorrow,” he said.

We do have a fan, so I figured it we could deal and not be too warm and uncomfortable.

There were a few more small items we needed to move, and we required a food fix, so off we went to accomplish those missions.

Home we came, laden with three laptops and assorted electrical items, sweaty and ready to have a shower in our new apartment, when we realised that the main breaker had tripped. And we couldn’t turn it back on. We weren’t in darkness, we had power, just an inability to use anything that required plugging into a socket, which included our water heater and fan. One of the guards came up and found that the breaker in the bathroom was causing the trip, so our fan came back on, but hot water was unavailable (and we could also hear water from the heater leaking inside the walls, which certainly made me feel safer).

Did I mention that I’d picked up a chest cold that weekend?

The next morning was known as weary. H despatched a plumber and air conditioner service man, both of whom had an opinion on our breaker / electricity problem. The plumber’s electrician friend arrived and also gave his opinion. Tools were bared, switches were flicked, breakers were turned off and on in an attempt to troubleshoot the issue.

Every time one of them claimed to have isolated the offending circuit (socket?), they would disconnect it and turn everything back on. The main breaker would trip all over again. Back to the drawing board. This went on all afternoon, until the air conditioner service man gave up and went home. The plumber and electrician bypassed the main breaker (they’d decided the main breaker was faulty), said they’d come back with a new one the next day, and went home.

Hell, at least we had air conditioning that night.

To cut the long story short, the main breaker was not faulty (cue and repeat the entire afternoon of fix and trip, fix and trip), water is still leaking inside the bathroom walls, one air conditioner is not working, and the flat is not so clean. All in good time, and a good time will be had at the flatwarming and things will need to be cleaned again.

Boffins find secret to attracting women:

Research published in the journal Nature suggests some men might be born seducers and others born blunderers – just like fruit flies.

It explains why some blokes I know are — as Neil terms — top shaggers. Since they’ve never tried their l33t fruit fly skillz on me, I have no idea if it’s true.

Why athletes get injured (to be published in the New Scientist on July 31):

A new mathematical model of the body shows that these athletes rely on a fixed combination of movements that they cannot easily modify. The discovery might help in spotting injury-prone athletes early on.

The study was on cricket bowlers, but it may help to explain why I’m so prone to injury (aside from being clumsy).

Electablog is just about my favourite site covering the Democratic National Convention. I’ve been a fan since I signed up for his NextDraft newsletter (ages ago).

He’s worth reading every day.

Holy shit. Terry sent along a link (“Some troll posted this in a forum and I thought you might get a laugh out of it.”) extolling the virtues of Asian teenagers with breasts so huge no surgeon could seriously manage to claim any as their handiwork (no nudity, but I don’t think it’s safe for work).

These girls were big, much bigger than I expected even in my wildest dreams! They confirmed that during their late childhood in the jungle, priests were called to rub certain tinctures on their body — and especially on their chests. Nobody told them why they were receiving this treatment, but soon afterwards, their breasts started to grow, very fast and very big.

They look really, really… off-balance.

(And yes, I’m well aware that this is possibly / probably a hoax. But geez.)