serialdeviant.org(y)

Faboo! Cathay Pacific’s Trip Planner for Xiamen has listed What’s On Xiamen as the site to visit.

Dear Me on 1 January 2004,

Did you ever imagine you’d start a magazine with two other people, let alone write and publish it yourselves? Did you think that you’d have to change your telephone number because the government, pressured by a jealous non-rival, was calling to harass you about shutting it down? Did it occur to you that you’d be the only one to doggedly go on, publishing online and getting What’s On Xiamen to regularly appear on the first page of search results for ‘Xiamen’?

Did you think it was possible to be depressed for such a long time over being unemployed? Why did you never think of approaching that fashion company that seems to have hired every expatriate in Xiamen at one point or another? Did you think they would think you were even qualified to work for a fashion company, considering the way you normally dress? Did you think wearing long sleeves to work every day in the summer was even possible?

Did you satisfy your web design ‘clients’? Did you think one of them would try to rip you off in a poorly transparent manner? Did you satisfy yourself while constantly re-designing your own website?

Did you, ever in your life, consider that you would be with one person for almost three years (and counting)? Had it occurred to you that it was possible to be in love with one person for this long? Did you imagine that seeing this person grin at you could make you smile day after day? Had you thought that being held by this person continues to be, by far, the best feeling in the world?

Did you think there would be that many people hectoring you to get married? Did you think there would be people even assuming you were married?

Whoa, scary!

Here are my wishes for 2005. I resolve to be kinder and more thoughtful. At the same time, I also resolve to be snarkier, because that is a different thing altogether. I hope to see more of my family next year. I very much would like to be able to make it to a very special wedding in a faraway land. And eat more cheeseburgers.

Love,
Me on 31 December 2004

Hi. Most of you know who I am, I’m the one people call a social butterfly and I run that website about Xiamen.

I’d like you to know something about me. I’m not a social butterfly. If I was to be a metaphor, wallflower would be more appropriate. I’m not quite painfully shy, but I’m much happier sitting in a corner and watching people interact rather than being well into a party.

Here’s something else. I did not have a good time being unemployed for over a year. Yes, Neil is in a good job and makes decent money, but when I was looking for a job, I wanted a real job that required actual work and use of my brain, something I enjoyed, maybe even a career-builder. Just because we live together doesn’t mean I don’t have to work — I need to earn and save money, too. I was depressed a lot and felt worthless.

(I do run that website about Xiamen, though, and I do it all by myself.)

I came to Xiamen about 18 months ago, and it’s as new to me as many of you. To answer the usual questions:

• Yes, I speak Chinese, I studied it in school. I’m not fluent, though.
• Yes, most of my family is from these parts. My mother’s side is from Fuzhou, but they moved to Sarawak. No, I don’t know when. My father’s family is from around Xiamen and Chaozhou (in Guangdong province), and they were the first generation to move to Singapore.
• Yes, I can understand some Minnanhua. I call it Hokkien. A lot of people in Singapore can speak Hokkien.
• Yes, I still have family here. I don’t know where or who they are, as my grandfather took that knowledge to his urn.

Why am I telling you this after 18 months, long after most of these questions have been asked and answered? Because I don’t think many of you will remember.

I don’t blame you, there are new people coming to Xiamen all the time. It must be quite confusing, to meet new people and to try and keep people’s names, faces, and occupations straight. I know I have a hard time now and again.

There is more to me than what you know. And I know there is more to you than what I know. I see you at the pubs and (what my sister calls) restobars, mostly every week, and we say, “Hi, how’s it going?” We chat and we move on. Some of you I like very much and I think we could really be friends. I wish I could discover more about your likes and dislikes, and actually buy you stuff you’d appreciate for your birthday (that’s another thing: when’s your birthday?) and Christmas.

I feel that I know a lot of you, but I don’t know many of you, if you know what I’m saying.

Not everyone likes to go out in a big group — I like the times when we can all actually talk to one another and no one has to fight for food (most will know about my preoccupation with food). I had Sunday brunch with some acquaintances the other day, and it was great. I learned more about K and J’s jobs, how they felt about their work, things that have happened to them (K lost his mobile phone again and got knocked off his feet by a bicycle). J’s girlfriend C has got a six-month tourist visa for her three-week trip to the UK, what a great consulate! We left with a, “Bye, see you around,” and I don’t have K’s phone number to call and say Let’s hang out.

And it’s not that I would call K to say Let’s hang out, I don’t think we have enough in common (he’s a middle-aged teacher with grown children, I’m a twenty-something geek with no children). But I don’t even have the chance to find out if we have nothing in common.

You know that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry says it’s hard to make new friends, to allow them into your space or group once you’ve got past a certain age? That whole friend quota thing. Maybe that’s what’s going on. Maybe we’ve all reached our friend quotas and there’s no room for any more.

It’s partly my fault, that whole wallflower thing again. I don’t think people know or like me enough to want to hang out if I call, so I don’t call. I feel like I’m intruding if I try to make plans, I don’t know enough about your lives to know if it’s okay to want to meet for a coffee. A vicious cycle is doomed to repeat itself.

I guess I’ll see you next time at the restobar, eh?

Sincerely yours,
Andrea

• had beef and chicken quesadillas (and a couple of yummy sangrias) at Havana
• made a stuffed elephant out of two socks
• had dinner with intrepid (here I mean willing to suffer the indignities known as overland transportation) journalist and writer Dan Washburn
• made Dan have drinks at The Orient and The Londoner while we watched England play South Africa in rugby
• had a ‘breakfast’ (at noon) of bacon and tomato sandwiches at Brown Sugar
• finished ‘breakfast’ at 3pm and went shopping
• came home with a new pair of jeans and preppy tweed blazer
• wandered around an old part of Xiamen with Dan (and had dinner at a Burmese restaurant)
• Put up my first sponsor’s ad on What’s On Xiamen (wahey!)

Thank you so much to Glenn for linking to What’s On Xiamen and promoting the sponsorship drive. I was hoping to get just one or two, and now it’s very likely that I’ll be able to cover the cost of hosting for a year.

I am very grateful to Glenn for doing it, and if I’m ever in Tennessee (and I will be someday, I sweartogawd), I owe him a drink. And a meal. And I’ll buy his wife’s book.

I’ve changed the colours and main images, but not layout, of What’s On Xiamen. You’ll notice a sponsorship begging bowl extended. I expect to be deluged right away, yes I do.

Everyone I’ve never met or barely know seems to give me advice on how to make What’s On Xiamen better. I appreciate it, but:

I now manage What’s On Xiamen alone. It’s just me. I’ve kept the site going because the domain and space have been paid for, and I’ve got a stubborn streak a mile long. I have a full-time job that usually keeps me so busy I can’t find the time to go to the loo. I’m trying to maintain a monthly PDF of business listings because it’s useful for people who live here. I’m trying to update the site regularly. I like the weblog format, and that’s the way it will stay. No, I don’t get many hits, but it’s a niche topic — I’m happy that I actually have hits and subscribers. And no, I will not start a forum or chatroom, ever. What’s On Xiamen is a personal site, and I have no aspirations for fame.

To those who’ve just said it’s a good site, thank you very much. I hope we all understand that there are only so many hours in a day and this is all I can devote while trying to live a life offline.

What’s On Xiamen has had a bit of a re-design. It’s also had a bit of a change in format and delivery. It’s no longer the online presence of the magazine, because there hasn’t been a magazine in three months — I’ve been creating content for the website, pretty much completely on my own, trying to make it look like the work of more (and as far as I can tell, this hasn’t worked).

I think people do find the concept of What’s On Xiamen useful, so I’m going to keep plugging away at it. But on my terms, so it’s now a weblog. Frankly, it’s easier for me to keep it up this way. (Update: one of the girls who was part of starting up the magazine needed me to clarify that I am referring only to the website. I am referring only to the website.)

There are still many old posts from the news weblog to include, so I expect I’ll be busy with this for a while.

I just answered an e-mail from someone worrying about culture shock, should she move to Xiamen. Answering in the capacity of What’s On Xiamen‘s webmonkey, I was pretty positive about the whole thing, saying, Yes, it will be very different from what I reckon you’re familiar with, but hey, it’s not so bad.

I haven’t told her about the spitting, littering, peeing, cussing, triads, mad driving, or bad techno yet.

(Was on a little bus trip yesterday, a mate and I visited Quanzhou. Found something there that even Singapore lacks. And I mean something good.)