Being a smoker comes in handy sometimes
Well, a non-practising smoker, that is. My mum does decoupage as a hobby, and has been crafting things for charity sales (plus every available smooth surface in her flat).
Mum: I’ve been decoupaging on candles.
Me: How d’you do that? Don’t they burn up when you light the candle?
Mum: You use printed paper serviettes and pick out two layers instead of three, then heat the back of a spoon with a candle flame and press it into the candle and the serviette kind of melts into the candle and it looks super-fab.
(She didn’t really say it like that but I can’t remember the exact technique she described so I’m, er, being creative. My mum would never say super-fab.)
… Some more stuff about where she took a class with my aunt and how they are both into it now…
Mum: The problem is the candle flame is very sooty and it can dirty the candle. I’m trying to find a way of getting a different type of flame that won’t have as much soot.
Me: Try a lighter. Get a Zippo, or a fake Zippo.
Mum: I need something that can stand on its own.
Me: Get a Zippo, you just flip the lid open and light it and it’ll stand on the table or wherever.
Mum: Zippo, so that’s Zed-Aye-Pee—
Me: —Pee-Oh. You might want to buy a cheap plastic lighter first to see if the lighter thing works for you before you buy a Zippo.
Mum: Where do I buy a lighter?
Me: Um, a shop. Any provision shop will sell lighters.
Mum: Oh, I don’t know about these things.
(My mother has never ever smoked in her life.)
Me: You can refill Zippos with lighter fluid as well.
Mum: That’s quite good.
Me: See, eight years of being a smoker has its advantages. (Heeheehee!)
Mum: …
Maybe it’s the cravings that do it
I’m pretty sure there are those who feel homicidal when in the presence of others who are trying to quit smoking… haha. Feeling like crap initially tends to be the general mood for smokers who quit, right? Drug to stop smoking questioned:
A pill to help people stop smoking is under the spotlight amid reports that it can generate suicidal feelings.
I’m glad I didn’t get that way when I quit. I just got through my Economists way quicker!
Sir, the public house has no place in polite society
Is it bad that I find this funny?
Seriously, I adore the smoking ban that has meant our clothes do not require hardcore laundering after a night out (assuming we don’t spend too much time stuck in the doorways with the smokers).
(However, as I have said before, there is a hardcore smoker in the house so our cleaned clothes need laundering anyway. Almost makes me want to live in the pub like an alkie.)
The placement of the articles sure seem like a subconscious (or perhaps conscious) effort to KILL THE PUB. What are people gonna do without the cheap beer from JD Wetherspoons? Everyone’s gonna get hyped on their 99p (69p if you’ve got SnapFax) coffees and caffeine will be classed as a dangerous drug (it should, with how sick it can make a person).