It’s all in the wrist

Neil and I saw the Mastercrafts episode on green wood craft last night. It was really lovely to see people pushing themselves to acquire a new and very cool skill (Neil didn’t have anything too troll-like to say, which is an indicator of a good production).

I’d love to say that I’d like to go on one of these programmes to learn something new, but given that these first three novices had already proven some competence with woodworking — either as a hobby or profession — I believe I’m a bit fucked. I can barely look after myself in a world filled with modern conveniences. I’m ridiculously accident-prone. And I don’t think being able to sew sock monkeys and crochet ducks are skills that would be highly prized when The Shit Hits The Fan and we end up in some Dark Angel-like dystopia.

In other words, if the apocalypse is comes and there are a finite number of people you can save to re-populate the human race, I would advise against selecting me.

Diaspora of numpties

I am never listing anything on Etsy again. In case it ends up on Regretsy. Thanks, Terry!

Back pain unrelieved by sport

The manager saw Stitch Wars and thought of me. Apparently. Can’t imagine why.

Crafter in trouble with the Beeb

Dr Who fan in knitted puppet row:

“This lady, with the best will in the world, wanted to share with friends, family and fans.

“But there were some unscrupulous people taking these patterns and using them on eBay to make profit for themselves. Unfortunately, we had to get to the source of the patterns – and that was her website.”

Um, how about prosecuting the offenders on eBay, then letting her know that her pattern was being abused and advising her to make her licence terms extremely clear?

On a related note, Web users back code for bloggers:

Three quarters of web users who have posted comment on blogs and news sites were oblivious to libel law, said the report, even though the person posting the comment, rather than the host site, would be liable for any offence.

I’m sure it won’t stop those anonymous commenters from trolling and posting death threats, though. Also, where would it apply? Is this libel law global? If it isn’t, what if the site is hosted in one country, with the blogger posting in another, and the commenter posting in yet another?

I made a dick in a box (I have proof)

Watch this.

I made this.

felt dick in a box

(The felt Dick in a Box was made as a present for someone, so I’m not sure who’s weirder, them for showing me the video, or me for deciding to make one.)

Wherein I may bite off more than I can chew because I’m stubborn sometimes

Did I mention we’ve finally got the central heating installed in Neil’s grandmother’s house? That it broke after a week and the plumber came back to fix it yesterday night?

Not that we’ve moved in yet or anything; the room that is to be the area known as LIVING IN SIN HQ still has an old fireplace lying on its face on the floor, which has had its carpet ripped up and I’m thinking we should do polished floorboards and a large rug because I’m so sensitive to dust. Also, every dust sheet / cloth / basically old curtains seems to have taken up residence in that room, and Neil wants to do something funky with the fireplace that needs to be bricked up because he found the original sandstone lintel.

Then we also need to furnish the room. There’s a store in Glasgow that has some mighty fine stuff, but we don’t really want to afford it unless they’re on sale, and they were on sale a month ago, and we haven’t been back since. So by the time we clean the room up it may be too late.

Then there are these chairs in the centre of the room, which are the main subject of this post. They were his gran’s, and he really wanted to keep one of them. I wanted to keep the other two. The thing is, they are upholstered in this very tired brown velvet burn out fabric, and need new coverings.

Most clever people would look up soft furnishings or upholsterers in the phone book. I’ve asked Craftster what to do. As if I’ve got the ability to re-upholster three armchairs myself. However, the first tip there says there’s no sewing involved, so maybe I can inspire Neil to visit Mandors or Remnant Kings to pick some suitable fabrics and we can DIY the chairs to our own specifications and be mega proud of ourselves. It would, indeed, be fucking brilliant.

A run down on the holiday where I got loads done in only six days

Yes. It’s been pretty quiet round these parts, hasn’t it?

If I’ve been on holiday and haven’t bothered to update, it means I HAVE HAD A GREAT TIME.

Food

Prawn noodles from Adam Road Food Centre were ordered the night I arrived as the BBQ seafood stall wasn’t open. Mum had also bought loads of chwee kueh (steamed rice cakes with preserved turnip garnish) for breakfast, and myself and the cats enjoyed the ba kwa (barbecued pork slices) very much. My aunt was cool and cooked kiam chye ar (duck and salted vegetable soup) for the annual Reunion Dinner (also starring were fried Hokkien noodles, fish my aunt and uncle had caught off Bedok jetty the night before, rojak, and the inevitable raw fish salad).

Michel contemplates his good fortune

I got another of my food requests at my grandfather’s house during Chinese New Year — steamed pomfret, Teochew-style. There was something I didn’t ‘order’ as I’d completely forgotten about it, but the ba kueh (stubby rice noodle cakes) was fan-fucking-tastic.

Then, of course, there’s the food I like and Neil loves and I ate and took pictures to piss him off. Barbecue stingray with sambal, plus baby kai lan with garlic at Newton. We even got some fried rice to go with it.

stingray and kai lan

On my last day, we grabbed breakfast at Farrer Court hawker centre, Neil’s favourite place for roti prata. I got two plain pratas and the requisite vegetable curry.

prata with curry

I ate loads of other stuff, but these were the highlights.

Sights

On Chinese New Year’s Eve, I reverted to my childhood behaviour (i.e. going to my mother every five minutes with proclamations of extreme boredom) and persuaded my mum to take me to the River Hongbao, as nothing else was open. Chinese New Year is probably the only time you’ll see Chinese Singaporeans THROWING MONEY AT A TREE.

Money tree

I also finally watched I Not Stupid (not bad) and I Not Stupid 2 (bad). Mum had wanted to watch Just Follow Law, Jack Neo’s satire on the Singaporean civil service. It wasn’t a satire at all, it kinda sucked. It was like a weak channel 8 sitcom that’s been stretched to feature-length. The acting wasn’t bad, but the story was shite.

We did also see Miss Potter (and I could hear my aunt whispering to my mum regarding its historical accuracy — we checked Wikipedia afterward), a light and pleasing flick. And my aunt was not at all keen on Notes on a Scandal (although she used my grandfather as an excuse — not his type of film at all, apparently). ‘Twas good.

I managed to run so many errands, because being a grown-up means you get up early, go out and do stuff in the morning, inhale lunch, take a NAP in the arvo, then head out for a feast at dinnertime. Bussorah Street was visited TWICE, and I got most of my pressies there. Brian has already used the slingshot I bought him and I hereby apologise to his neighbours for his behaviour on Saturday night / Sunday morning, although I wasn’t there.

Finally, here’s a picture of Doug and Ruthven.

Doug Monkey and Ruthven

Ruthven’s a present for Baby G. If Doug had fingers, you would see that he’s doing the bunny ears thing behind Ruthven’s head.

Things to do in 2007

This is not a resolutions list. I repeat, this is not a resolutions list. If it was, I would be a very, very sad person with no ambition.

  1. Start making rubber stamps
    I’m far too cheapskate to buy those overpriced stamps at paper craft shops and the Hobbycraft show, and I have fond memories of making stamps out of rubber erasers. There are pound shops here that sell loads of erasers. The one thing I will spend on is good quality stamp pads and a sharp knife. The goal? Creating my own postcards (as distinct from Artist Trading Cards, I’m not an artist) and notecards. Adding more oomph to the greeting cards I’ve started making.
  2. Get a routine
    Neil and I have yet to settle into a daily routine here, and I want to finally join the Scottish SPCA and do some weekend volunteering. Also, while it’s cold, to join the gym and go after dinner during the week.
  3. Exercise my tourist rights
    I’m going to explore the Real Mary King’s Close. I will see what’s left of Glasgow’s medieval past. I will go on more walks to see the country.
  4. Visit more cemeteries
    Don’t ask me why; I think it has something to do with Singapore’s relentless march of progress, with new condos and hospitals built on freshy exhumed ground. I loved the Necropolis when I visited in 2003, and I’ve been to two cemeteries since I got to Scotland this year. I would really like to visit Craigton and Kirk ‘o’ Shotts.

What are your non-resolutions?

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