Of course by this I mean the production of infant human beings.

I think there’s a certain amount of oestrogen (or whatever hormone it should be) involved in my feeling a little wistful when I hear about other people being pregnant or seeing babies blissing out in moments of calm — it’s like there’s a twinge in the uterus, which is saying to me, I’m not just hanging out here to chat, you know, you have a biological imperative to try to pass on your genes; what’s taking you so long, I’m withering away here from lack of use.

Neil reckons he feels like he’s expected to want babies (‘some day, not now’) because that’s what people our age are supposed to do. I just want to know what he thinks about the whole concept as an intellectual exercise and I think he thinks I’m sounding him out because I want to talk him into it. But that could just be my hormones jumping to conclusions.

Social pressure doesn’t really get to me in that way I don’t think, but as mentioned, a hella lot of people I know are squeezing out the rugrats this year (or early next). My body is lecturing my reproductive organs with every pregnancy announcement I hear that I’m in my thirties so I’d better get a move on. There’s a lot of twingeing and stomach-knotting happening right here, right now.

Frankly, I’m terrified at the prospect of raising anything more than my chive plant that simply refuses to die. How can I possibly incubate another human being for 40 weeks (I can’t even grow beansprouts)? Labour is hell on earth. Post-partum depression sounds like runny, smelly, farty shite when the loo won’t flush. On top of that I’d be in charge of another person who’d be completely helpless and will stay that way for ages. I like my sleep. Unconditional love for a creature that is likely to love you not quite as much as you do when they’re grown up sounds like a horrible thing to live with. What if, no matter what you do, your kid turns out to be a total dickhead? How is any of this worth it? If I’ve never had that hormonal rush that makes a mother go all gaga over their baby, why should I feel I’d be missing out on anything? Will there be any regret over the choice I do (or refuse to) make?

It’s not that I don’t feel ‘ready’ to have a baby, readiness has bugger all to do with it — I’m just not sure I’m the kind of person who should. I don’t need to be convinced of anything because I’ve yet to work out if I even want to take a position on this.

(The reality is I’ll do nothing and the choice will be made for me. That’s the proactive, decisive, and confident way I roll.)

The Internet is great, isn’t it? I am truly just talking talking talking complete and utter drivel no one else gives a shit about and there’s no shutting me up because I’ve paid for the server space.