Yes, they all connect up*.

1. U.S. researchers create schizophrenic mice — I certainly did not know that mice liked to swim, I suppose I should look it up, and in future I’ll be able to get the best ever human-edited results.
2. Wikipedia founder plans open-source search engine — will it be as not-quite-sure-if-it’s-entirely trustworthy as Wikipedia? Kind of like our next story, which is
3. Bottled water and snake oil — bottled water is tap water in a bottle? I take that to work every day. It’s still as deadly and painful when lobbed through the air, and could kill, though ’sticks and stones can break my bones…’
4. Man ‘died at hands of young mob’ — this poor man was killed by sticks and stones, called ‘missiles’ in the news. I was very nearly hit by a missile of pigeon poop the other day.
5. Hollywood Pigeons to Be Put on the Pill — some sort of consequence must come of controlling birds’ reproductive cycles.

* In my mind

• did the weekly shop
• shared a bottle of wine with Neil while watching teevee
• woke up with a mild headache (I’m becoming a real lightweight)
• went for a steak sandwich at The Newhouse (not as good as Ravellos, but they’re closed for renovations)
• finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (I must admit a few tears were shed toward the end — although there was one bit that I really didn’t like — judging by my conversation this morning with a colleague, I’m not alone)
• computered
• was picked up by Carene, Kristy, and her pal Angela for drinks at Angela’s
• moved on to the Station Hotel, and Neil and Brian showed up
• moved on, once again, to the local nightclub (where I bounced up to the DJ and asked if he could play “anything good”, to which he said, “No, I can’t,” and indicated the tastes of the crowd with a sweep of his arm)
• (everything else was a bit of a blur)
• woke up feeling ill (was supposed to meet my cousin for brunch — needless to say, that didn’t happen)
• computered (added tagging)
• watched The Simpsons Movie (wahey!)

I’ve been a passenger on many a motorcycle in my time, but I’ve never been the one to drive / ride these two-wheeled monsters.

That is not about to change.

Very recently, someone I work with offered to let me have a go on their 50cc Vespa. I’ve always fancied myself as more of a scooter gal than biker, so I was happy to accept.

The only thing I did not screw up at (and I was so convinced I would) was turning the throttle and moving off without losing control or balance. I could go into the whole sordid story, but I shall just say that being short and not very heavy means:

1. I had no momentum or leverage to speak of to roll the scooter off its stand to begin with — always a bad sign.
2. Turning involves leaning — a slight incline meant an inevitable disaster, but I comfort myself with the fact that I didn’t drop the scooter, I lowered it slowly to the ground.

A: “I read a story that we saw briefly on the news about why those patio heaters are bad.”

N: “… they’re bad for the environment, right?!”

A: “Yeah, so it seems.”

N: “Y’know, if a teevee journalist stopped me on the street and asked if I thought patio heaters were releasing too much carbon, I would say Not really, this is worse — *parp*!”

(Not verbatim — it happened yesterday. Cannae remember it word for word.)

How to spot false friends on Facebook:

When tested on a new set of profiles, the software’s estimate roughly matched human grades 90 per cent of the time and exactly matched them 30 to 50 per cent of the time. The idea is to use these estimates to decide whether to accept a request to be a friend.

Or, you could only add those you know are real people (i.e. you know them). I’m sure you’ll agree this idea of mine is revolutionary and people should give me money to dispense advice.

Best. Michael Jackson-bhangra. Mashup. Ever.

(Thanks to my sister.)

• had supper at Frankie & Benny’s (mussels cooked with pancetta bacon and chillies)
• did the weekly shop at Asda (witnessed the crowds gathering in the ‘wizard’ waiting area from 11pm)
• slept in
• went to Brian and Carene’s for a few drinks (where I scored my loan of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
• fell asleep on Brian’s couch (as usual)
• watched a little F1 before it got red-flagged (not that I particularly care)
• bought a few things at Livingston (one must impose a moratarium on buying clothes, like I’ve just done with craft supplies)
• read the first three chapters of Deathly Hallows