The Lo-Imp

My body conspires to defeat me at every turn.

An impossible accident at age six found me stuck under a swing and I ended up with a sprained knee.

At ages ten through 12, I did a lot of gymnastics and athletics (100m, 4×100m relay), and was the lucky recipient of multiple ankle sprains.

At age 14, I fell down some steps and sprained my ankle badly enough that there was no walking for a fortnight.

My mother warned me that I would be arthritic by the time I turned 30 if I kept doing high-impact sports.

Then I started smoking and sports took a very breathless back seat in my life.

There have been random ankle sprains, most notably while running for the bus (embarrassing), and most unbelievably, when walking to the bathroom in my own bedroom (more embarrassing, but at least I was alone).

When I quit smoking, I started jogging. So I’ve been jogging for almost five years. As I have mentioned on more than one previous occasion, I don’t LIKE jogging, I do it because it reminds me that lung capacity is a nice thing to have. And it’s free.

This year I decided to join a road / trail race once every month, to try and motivate myself more.

(When I feel unsettled, all my routines go to shit. Guess what. I’ve been feeling unsettled for almost a year.)

So, as Murphy would have it, my hips hurt every time I jog (the left and right take turns). When I sit still for any length of time, my knees start aching like mad. When I do nothing out of the ordinary, my knees and ankles hurt.

At age 31, I think I’m finally ready to take my mother’s advice and seek out low-impact exercises. My options are:

Walking. As cheap (free) as jogging. Has always been despised as the wimpy exercise (wow, is that coming back to bite me now). Great in Scotland’s great outdoors, since there’s so much of it. The only problem is regular walking in our neighbourhood is super boring as there is NOTHING to see except bad graffiti and broken glass. Outdoor access is possible, though.

Cycling. Great fast and low-impact way to get around. My problem with cycling is I’m quite unco-ordinated and too nervous about being unco-ordinated, plus a decent bike costs a lot, even if it’s not an ‘expensive’ bike. We’ve seen a couple of nice hybrid recreational bikes in the shops.

Swimming. I. Do. Not. Like. Swimming.

• 8 May 2007