As long as you’re not the first

There was something on Channel 4 about Middle Child Syndrome, and whether or not it exists. I think it does, to some extent, but how we end up really comes down to how individuals choose to deal with it.

That’s not what I want to whinge about anyway. It doesn’t matter if you’re the middle child, as long as you’re not the first-born you’re STUFFED. My mother had these Baby Progress Charts for my older sister and I; my sister’s is filled out very completely, with every little thing noted. Mine was filled out for, oh, maybe a couple of months. And Older Sibling has three, THREE full photo albums watching her every move from newborn to toddler. I have ONE that covers the same period. It’s like the parentals thought, Oh, we’ve seen all this before, let’s just summarise.

But WHAT ABOUT ME? I have massively fewer humiliating baby photos to review! It’s not fair, you know. I remember reading something in a book by some comedian, saying pretty much exactly this. Us second-borns get a real bum rap in baby documentation.

And this thing about the first-born blazing the trail? Bullcrap! All my sister did was pave the way to my going to Zouk underage. That place has sucked much of my pocket money. I made sure the revelation of her tattoo received nothing more than a “ho hum” (I already had many more) and I was the first one with a boyfriend, too (I was wondering what all the fuss was about, this dating thing). I took the heat, I tell you.

Speaking of the heat, it just snowed. Whoa!!

• 17 Nov 2006