The usual ego-stroking doesn’t work with me

I wish people would stop trying to appeal to my assumed vanity over What’s On Xiamen. Just because I was the one to re-launch it doesn’t mean I will do whatever you want to keep it going, disadvantaging and challenging my own principles in the process (i.e. stop prefacing your requests with, “You worked so hard to get it going and now it’s doing well,” followed with, “Now if you’ll just [insert request here].”).

If I never stop working on it because I’m selfish and want to reap all financial benefits (which, frankly, are due me, I worked hard — but I’m also practical), it will suffer. If I’m unhappy with how things have gone, I will say so. If the expat community and Chinese publisher are so desperate to maintain the site — buy it from me, by all means. My price is non-negotiable.

(I don’t know why people keep asking me to silence myself or lie for financial benefit when they know very well that it is not in my character. I don’t wish What’s On Xiamen to fail without me, but I’m not going to pretend I’m not disappointed with how the production almost immediately showed large cracks the moment I left.)

That all said, I am also not conceited enough to imagine that there isn’t someone (or some people?) willing to take over my role and its attendant responsibilities (although the unstable income will not appeal to most foreigners in Xiamen). If someone is found, good luck and Godspeed. If you want to ask me questions about the production process, I will answer, but I will not help you do your job otherwise. I have conducted myself openly — and I believe, honourably — over the magazine’s dealings. It is only fair, in my opinion, that people deal with me fairly and openly if they choose to take over the reins. But I also know what foreigners in Xiamen are like when they smell a business opportunity, so I’m not even considering holding my breath.

• 18 Sep 2006

• Thinking