Not just guaranteed, it’s GUARANTEED

Is there anything more assuring than writing in ALL CAPS? It’s a statement of confidence! GUARANTEEDblinds wants to sell you wood and faux blinds (faux wood?), all sorts of shades, and various decorative things one uses to cover their windows.

I have an acquaintance who lives in a studio apartment. She has sheer curtains separating her ‘bedroom’ from her floor-to-ceiling windows, which look lovely, but I doubt they help very much if you’ve had a big night out and just want to sleep all day. I would need a window covering that was much more solid and, dare I say it, opaque.

(In an aside, may I say how much I like the idea of bamboo shades. There is a tip on Craftster that recommends the use of cheap bamboo mats as wall coverings. It’s ingenious.)

Opacity in curtains and various other bedroom shielding apparatus is of utmost importance to me. Without blackout curtains, I would be but a shell of my antisocial, quiet self - I’m too prone to staying up all night, reading, only to find that daylight is coming and my mother’s non-blackout curtains are admitting an unwelcome, non-corporeal, guest. Lucky for me my mother’s flat doesn’t get much direct sunlight.

Do you know who else would like blinds? My mother’s cats. However, they like the sunlight. If they were a couple of years younger (and correspondingly more sprightly), they would have a ball climbing up and down them. Now they’d probably use the blinds as a backrest for when they’re sleeping by the window.

This post is sponsored.

• 17 Aug 2006