Pffft — who do you think I am? Who do you think we are?

Received a call today from What’s On Xiamen’s advertising salesperson. Turns out that the Sofitel sales and marketing people have told her that they are very unhappy with the fact that since the Sheraton’s opened, Sheraton’s name comes before Sofitel in our listings. Even though it has been explained clearly that the listings are arranged alphabetically within each section, and editorial decisions have always been made separately from advertising, “they may have to reconsider advertising in the magazine if Sofitel appears after Sheraton in the next issue.”

I would rather saw off my left arm with a dull wooden ruler than capitulate to an advertiser’s pathetic attempt at bullying. Here are a few tips so Sofitel Plaza Xiamen can “stay ahead of the competition”:

• Change the spelling of your name so it comes before all other hotels. I suggest AAAAAA Saaaafitel. Doesn’t look stupid at all.
• Don’t bother advertising in the only local English magazine foreigners read. There are lots more hotels who would love the space you’ll vacate.
• If you’re so afraid of Sheraton being a better hotel, I think you’ve got far more to worry about than where your name is in the listings.

Don’t push your luck, I’ve been through this before. I don’t acquiesce meekly when an advertiser demands something. I’ve had loads of advertisers try to gain free exposure — if you want an article about your business in the magazine, give me a good reason that is everything to do with being relevant, interesting, and useful to our readers and nothing to do with financial transactions.

Don’t threaten us with something as stupid as breaching the advertising contract two Chinese companies, bound by Chinese commercial law, have signed. In fact, don’t even think of threatening our advertising sales staff. Call me. Go ahead. I double dare you.

Roger, if you have a problem with me pointing the finger squarely at Sofitel staff for behaving so poorly, I suggest you instruct Sofitel staff to behave less poorly.

(Roger, I am also aware that it is unlikely you told your staff to try and bully us in this way — but let’s try and make sure they don’t do it again, shall we?)

• 6 Jun 2006

• Thinking