serialdeviant.org(y)

If you got most of these you’re probably Chinese

Funny and too true:

You look like you are 18.

You like to eat chicken feet.

You suck on fish heads and fish fins.

You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.

You sing karaoke.

Your house is covered with tile.
Does this count if it’s a rental?

Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of grease.
We don’t cook, so…

Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
See above.

You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.

You’ve never kissed your mom or dad.
I don’t remember ever doing so.

You’ve never hugged your mom or dad.

Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
Probably true. I’m not about to go and calculate it.

You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your “coke bottle glasses”.

You’ve worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
Nope, since I was in Primary 2. Which is worse.

Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
Oh, I thought it was just me!

You’ll haggle over something that is not negotiable.

You love to use coupons.

You drive around looking for the cheapest petrol.
And waste all that petrol? No chance

You drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.

You take showers at night.
That would be because I never got around to it during the day because I was too busy playing on my computer. Like today.

You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
Hell yeah, I’d rather buy them at the shops outside.

You don’t mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.

Most girls have more body hair than you, if you are male.

You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.

You say “Aiya!” and “Wah!” frequently.
I think I say aiyoh more often — I guess that counts.

You don’t want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.

You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
I don’t gamble, but I remember that Circus Circus was fun.

You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can reuse the paper.

You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.

You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
Chinese kitchens are too small to accommodate a table.

You spit bones and other food scraps on the table. That’s why you need the vinyl tablecloth.

You have stuff in the freezer since the beginning of time.

You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
I’ve never had a dishwasher. Us plebs hand wash.

You have never used your dishwasher.

You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
Then what would our electric kettle do, become a microwave in protest?

You eat all meals in the kitchen.
See above.

You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.

You have a piano in your living room.

You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).

You twirl your pen around your fingers.
Alas, I have never managed to master that skill.

You hate to waste food.
According to Neil, I am damned good at wasting food.

You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
We wish we actually had food in our fridge.

You don’t own any real Tupperware - only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.

You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
Only if they’re nice.

You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes). These snacks are always dried and include dried plums, mango, ginger, and squid.

You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.
See above.

Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.

The dashboard of your Honda is covered by hundreds of small toys.

You don’t use measuring cups.

You beat eggs with chopsticks.

You have a teacup with a cover on it.

You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling information (*69) costs 50 cents.

You only make long distance calls after 11pm.

If you are male, you clap at something funny and if you are female, you giggle whilst placing a hand over your mouth.
Actually, I tend to fall over.

You like Chinese films in their original undubbed versions.
We used to watch Spanish or Mexican drama series that were dubbed into Chinese…

You love Chinese Martial Arts films.

You’ve learnt some form of martial arts.

Shaolin actually means something to you.

You like congee with thousand-year-old eggs.
Yummy.

You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.

You never call your parents just to say hi.

If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.

When you’re sick, your parents tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods due to yeet hay.

You know what yeet hay is.

You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only 10 feet apart.
Neil Skypes me when he’s in the next room — does that make him more Chinese than I?

You use a face cloth.

You starve yourself before going to all you can eat places.

You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
I know someone who knows someone…

You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you’re never going to use them again.

You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.

Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.

You know what moon cakes are.
Yummy, especially with more salted egg yolks.

When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.

Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.

You iron your own shirts.
Er… I don’t actually know how to iron anything.

You play a musical instrument.

Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them.

You’ve eaten a red bean popsicle.
That sounds like eating a diarrhea pudding.

You bring oranges (or other produce) with you as a gift when you visit people’s homes.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.

You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and they prefer it that way). Or if you’re married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.

You don’t tip more than 10% at a restaurant, and if you do, you tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.

You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.

You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don’t eat the last piece of food on the table.
I usually eat everything but the rice.

You can hear your family/friends talking even though they’re 20 meters away.

You always stay up on Chinese New Years’ eve and chat while eating sunflower seeds.

You use plastic shopping bags as garbage bags because you’re told “they’re environmentally friendly”.

You can’t rap.

No one you know can rap.

Your parents think that you don’t spend enough time studying.

If you get a B in your grades, they’ll ask you why you didn’t get a A.

You always go to those Chinese video stores to borrow shows to watch.

You go to at least 3 different coaching schools because your parents think that you need to be faster than the rest of your school.

Your parents are never fair when you’re trying to negotiate something with them.

You live very close to your entire family (and this includes your grandparents.)

The only time you ever get pocket money is when you receive those red packets on New Years and then your parents take the money off you and tell you they’re going to save it for you (even though you never see the money again).

You’ve actually read up to 99.
Yup.

You realize that most these reasons are actually true!