Dear Me on 1 January 2004,

Did you ever imagine you’d start a magazine with two other people, let alone write and publish it yourselves? Did you think that you’d have to change your telephone number because the government, pressured by a jealous non-rival, was calling to harass you about shutting it down? Did it occur to you that you’d be the only one to doggedly go on, publishing online and getting What’s On Xiamen to regularly appear on the first page of search results for ‘Xiamen’?

Did you think it was possible to be depressed for such a long time over being unemployed? Why did you never think of approaching that fashion company that seems to have hired every expatriate in Xiamen at one point or another? Did you think they would think you were even qualified to work for a fashion company, considering the way you normally dress? Did you think wearing long sleeves to work every day in the summer was even possible?

Did you satisfy your web design ‘clients’? Did you think one of them would try to rip you off in a poorly transparent manner? Did you satisfy yourself while constantly re-designing your own website?

Did you, ever in your life, consider that you would be with one person for almost three years (and counting)? Had it occurred to you that it was possible to be in love with one person for this long? Did you imagine that seeing this person grin at you could make you smile day after day? Had you thought that being held by this person continues to be, by far, the best feeling in the world?

Did you think there would be that many people hectoring you to get married? Did you think there would be people even assuming you were married?

Whoa, scary!

Here are my wishes for 2005. I resolve to be kinder and more thoughtful. At the same time, I also resolve to be snarkier, because that is a different thing altogether. I hope to see more of my family next year. I very much would like to be able to make it to a very special wedding in a faraway land. And eat more cheeseburgers.

Love,
Me on 31 December 2004