One afternoon, when my sister was making one of her expensive calls to Xiamen just so she could catch up with her younger sibling, she mentioned that my descriptions of China made it seem like California during the gold rush — Xiamen sounded like the ‘Wild East’. It’s easy to agree. Xiamen is growing at a pace that practically allows anyone to do whatever they want to make a buck or two; all that’s needed is a little ingenuity and the willingness and ability to work under anhy conditions.
You could be a shoe salesman (Jiahe Lu). Have an eye for style? Know the latest in footwear fashions? Nonchalant about liberating footwear from uncaring owners? Be your own boss! Get into retail; our special offer includes no overhead because you don’t rent any shop space. Athleticism is encouraged — the mafia may occasionally thump a few salespeople for not paying protection money.
If anyone needs a pair of slightly used black loafers, take yourself to Jiahe Lu, between Huli Dadao and SM. Men and women line the streets, standing proudly before their range of footwear, all neatly arranged, just like a shoe store. Almost all pairs are the aforementioned black loafers, and look suspiciously second hand. If there has been a trend towards, say, white loafers, all our shoe hawkers will display a pair or two. If one hawker has women’s pumps, all hawkers will have women’s pumps. I find it very odd indeed.
You could be a guide in Jimei (dai lu). Know your way around? Are you friendly and helpful? Are you unafraid to ride with strangers? Join our growing network of guides in and around Xiamen. You don’t need to be licenced; we like to keep our costs down. You’ll need to be able to work independently, and to fend for yourself if the trucker who picks you up also happens to be a psychopathic serial killer. A penchant for thrills and excitement is mandatory!
As the company bus makes its way from Xiamen island to the mainland (Xiamen mainland?), all will spy a few men who hang out by the side of the highway, holding up signs. No, they’re not hitchhikers, which was my first assumption. They are selling ‘dai lu’ services.
You could be a direct marketer (the boys who give out xiao jie cards and sell porn videos along the road). Are you young? Unemployed? Do you want to live on the edge? Join the strong and courageous few who have taken up the profession of pornography direct marketing! Wear whatever you like to work. All we are interested in are your results — do you give out xiao jie cards to enough prospects? Are you persistent enough, sticking cards in windows and throwing them at men and women who look like they might like some poontang? Do you make irresistable offers to drivers and passengers who just might be in the market for pirated pornographic videos?
These boys are the scourge of the city. They hang out near hotels and along traffic intersections, hoping to tempt locals and foreigners alike. Sometimes they don’t even bother to differentiate between men and women. They throw the cards at you, as if your declining means you secretly wanted a card advertising Chinese prostitutes.
(Amoy, Amoy will take a break over the next three weeks because I’ll be on a business trip that will likely leave little time for writing. Sorry. Come back for a new column on September 24.)
