I was trying to run a marathon in early 2004, but I got a nasty cold (and bronchitis).

February 16 - February 22 2004

February 9 - February 15 2004

February 2 - February 8 2004

January 26 - February 1 2004

January 19 - January 25 2004

January 12 - January 18 2004

January 5 - January 11 2004

December 29 - January 4 2004

December 22 - December 28 2003

December 15 - December 21 2003

December 8 - December 14 2003

December 1 - December 7 2003

November 24 - November 30 2003

November 17 - November 23 2003

November 10 - November 16 2003

November 3 - November 9 2003

October 27 - November 2 2003

October 20 - October 26 2003

October 13 - October 19 2003

Break to get over a cold.

October 6 - October 12 2003

The actual journal stuttered to a stop in February 2004, I guess.

February 23 - February 29 2004: day 197 - 203
Too busy.

February 16 - February 22 2004: day 190 - 196
Too busy.

February 9 - February 15 2004: day 183 - 189
Lungs are suffering from lots of second hand smoke.

February 2 - February 8 2004: day 176 - 182
The number of cartons I spotted floating around in duty-free bags at the boarding lounge was, frankly, impressive.

January 26 - February 1 2004: day 169 - 175
Singapore!

January 19 - January 25 2004: day 162 - 168
Singapore!

January 12 - January 18 2004: day 155 - 161
Singapore!

January 5 - January 11 2004: day 148 - 154
I hate that smokers run faster than me. It's not fair.

December 29 - January 4 2004: day 141 - 147
Coming to another year, and my coats smell like so much smoke from the bars and restaurants we've been visiting.

December 22 - December 28 2003: day 134 - 140
I had a dream that I was sneaking cigarettes and feeling guilty about it. But then I also had a dream that my mother arranged to have herself kidnapped. I think my subconscious is feeling a little overwhelmed.

December 15 - December 21 2003: day 127 - 133
Some places are just so smokey here.

December 8 - December 14 2003: day 120 - 126
Stress is an important factor, isn't it? I'm all right, but someone who quit smoking then started again said that about two weeks after she quit, she came under a lot of stress, and has now started again. She says she will quit again.

December 1 - December 7 2003: day 113 - 119
Two of my running, er, buddies say they feel less like smoking after a long run. My initial hypothesis has been proven!

November 24 - November 30 2003: day 106 - 112
Rugby! Smokey pub! Had too much fun to notice!

November 17 - November 23 2003: day 99 - 105
I'm feeling really good after the run on Huandao Lu. One bloke who runs said he doens't feel like smoking after he goes on a run like that. That's true, there's no desire at all. I don't think about it at all when I'm busy, either.

November 10 - November 16 2003: day 92 - 98
I'm going to test Huli Park out as a running venue. After running outdoors on Huandao Lu Sunday, I'm not sure I can face a treadmill again (except when absolutely necessary). It has become absolutely necessary, since Huli Park is a fun place to wander, but not to run.

November 3 - November 9 2003: day 85 - 91
It's shaping up to be a busy week. I expect I will be taking the pace kind of slow, too, if Tuesday is any indication.

October 27 - November 2 2003: day 78 - 84
The new plan is to run shorter distances during the weekend and go for longer weekend runs. I might actually have running buddies now. I know they'll be disappointed at my lack of pace.

October 20 - October 26 2003: day 71 - 77
I'm ashamed to say I'm starting to think about smoking again. As long as thoughts don't become actions, I suppose. And my cold is almost gone, so I'm planning on going running a lot.

October 13 - October 19 2003: day 64 - 70
Didn't run as much as I wanted to last week, and I have a cold now. Sigh.

October 6 - October 12 2003: day 57 - 63
Planning on running a lot from now on. We shall see if plans become reality.

September 29 - October 5 2003: day 50 - 56
Ran a bunch last week (35, 35,and 42 minutes). Planning to run a couple more days this week before the National Day holidays.
Monday — 26 minutes.

September 22 - September 28 2003: day 43 - 49
La la la. Went to parties. Drank too much. Ate a lot. Toasted ham and cheese sandwiches are better with fries.

September 15 - September 21 2003: day 36 - 42
It seems like everyone smokes here. Everyone.

September 8 - September 14 2003: day 29 - 35
Every time we go to The Londoner, it doesn't matter for how long, we always leave smelling like stale smoke. We have to do laundry a lot.

September 1 - September 7 2003: day 22 - 28
I'm doing fine.

August 25 - August 31 2003: day 15 - 21
It's like smoking a pack a day, sitting in the Internet cafe and breathing. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the 'everywhere is a smoking area' concept.

August 18 - August 24 2003: day 8 - 14
I had no point to make (actually I almost did, but I restrained myself), so my lungs were safe from myself last weekend. It's the secondhand smoke that'll kill me.

August 11 - August 17 2003: day 1 - 7
The bad news: I had one cigarette early on Sunday morning.
The good news: I hated it. I have no idea how I let such foul-tasting shite pass through my mouth and lungs on an almost-daily basis for so many years.
The 'I am stupid' news: I didn't even want the cigarette. I was royally pissed off, and the only way I could think of to make my point was to grab a cigarette from an acquaintance's table and light up. My point only got through more than eight hours later. Meanwhile, it's back to square one.

August 4 - August 10 2003: day 422 - 429
It's very smokey in this Internet cafe. It's very smokey in Xiamen.

July 28 - August 3 2003: day 415 - 421
When Smokers Quit, Surgical Wounds Heal Better. Now I just need to require surgery to test this out for myself. Right.

July 21 - July 27 2003: day 408 - 414
Too busy trying to acclimatise to think about anything, really, but I have noticed that a lot of the Western expats (those who hang out at the Londoner, anyway) smoke. A lot.

July 14 - July 20 2003: day 401 - 407
Back in Singapore again. I'm okay. A lot of my clothes (especially my fab black coat) smell like smoke because of the pubs I visited in Glasgow.

July 7 - July 13 2003: day 394 - 400
Stuart asked me if Neil not being a smoker helped me keep up the quitting. Yes, it helps. Not that I'm no longer tempted, but the temptation isn't strong enough to do anything about.

June 30 - July 6 2003: day 387 - 393
A lot of people smoke in Glasgow. Neil says there are fewer now, but a lot still do.

June 23 - June 29 2003: day 380 - 386
The days are just packed (apologies to Bill Watterson).

June 16 - June 22 2003: day 373 - 379
One more week of work and then I'm off on holidays, poor old unemployed me.

June 9 - June 15 2003: day 366 - 372
Go me. A friend I haven't spoken to in a long time asked me last night if I'd ever cheated, I said no, he said how he had cut down on his habit quite a bit. Go me again.

June 2 - June 8 2003: day 359 - 365
Lookit the days! Lookit the days! I've been thinking with Neil off in China, it's not hard to imagine myself taking it all up again, but who wants to go through quitting for the second time in a year?

May 26 - June 1 2003: day 352 - 358
I believe I am reaching the home stretch. Not too long more before it'll be a year, 365 days since I stopped smoking. How weird. It's Tuesday; I just cycled and ran for the first time in several weeks, and although I'm already quite unfit from the break, it felt good to go out and be active. But I'm sure I smell.

May 19 - May 25 2003: day 345 - 351
Spent the weekend in Kuala Lumpur. Cigarettes easily and cheaply available. One thing I'm thankful for is Singapore's strict laws against smoking in public, air-conditioned areas. It's much more pleasant to breathe in a smoke-free room.

May 2 - May 18 2003: day 338 - 344
My lungs feel particularly fragile after a night out. Last week I felt like shite after spending time at Muddy Murphy's on a Sunday that play havoc with me.

May 5 - May 11 2003: day 331 - 337
This week I'd have quit smoking for 11 months. Fucking hell. Update: today is May 9. Milestone of 11 months. One more month and I can 'officially' claim to have quit smoking.

April 28 - May 4 2003: day 324 - 330
Nothing to report. Danny never knew I used to smoke. Hm, I thought everyone knew, I've been so fucking annoying about pointing it out and being all self-congratulatory for months.

April 21 - April 27 2003: day 317 - 323
Well, here's news. I miss smoking. But I know that I will also miss being able to exercise and run about like a nutcase easily if I start smoking again. Plan is to go running on Tuesday (and I think Thursday).

April 14 - April 20 2003: day 310 - 316
I still haven't done any running. I'm just not feeling up to it. Well, my knee isn't. But I fear if I stop for too long, I'll get too lazy to start again. And I'll be bored. Must. Start. Running.

April 7 - April 13 2003: day 303 - 309
I took a break from running last week. I'm going to start again this week, but no more super long distances for me. My left kneecap is still complaining.

March 31 - April 6 2003: day 296 - 302
Well, the biathlon was swum and run. We did well by our own expectations, and that's all that matters. Another couple of months and I'll be officially smoke-free for a year. Pretty weird.

March 24 - March 30 2003: day 289 - 295
Wow, almost 300 days. I'm pretty confident about not ever being too tempted to have a cigarette, though when I'm upset or stressed out, I still feel like one. The running plan for this week is five k on Monday, ten k on Wednesday, and five k on Thursday. Then rest on Friday and Saturday, and do the biathlon on Sunday. Kristen's doing a lot better on the training front than I am.

March 17 - March 23 2003: day 282 - 288
The biathlon's in two weeks. Have I done enough training? Not even close. Bugger.

March 10 - March 16 2003: day 275 - 281
Running will probably be light this week, but one never knows. I have a plan. Dun dun duuuuuhhhhh!

March 3 - March 9 2003: day 268 - 274
Will be running shorter distances this week. I wish I could have a monitor to tell me how long, in total, I've been running.

February 24 - March 2 2003: day 261 - 267
Went cycling on the weekend. Knee's acting up. I guess I should rest it so if the biathlon thingy is a goer I'll be able to run it. Not smoking's getting easier, like it's not something to do out of habit anymore. Yay, woohoo, wahey, etc.

February 17 - February 23 2003: day 254 - 260
Since I've messed up the knee already, I'm going to keep the distance down this week, and try some swimming if the weather and time permit.

February 10 - February 16 2003: day 247 - 253
This week I'm going to try to run 10 kilometres. I'm definitely on my way there!

February 3 - February 9 2003: day 240 - 246
Cycling. Running. Geez, I'm nuts.

January 27 - February 2 2003: day 233 - 239
I still get tempted, though not enough to fall off the wagon, so to speak. First time running in several weeks. Ow. The running must be done in earnest now.

January 20 - January 26 2003: day 226 - 232
Okay. New server, new design, etc.

Week of January 13 - January 19 2003: day 219 - 225
I survived the bike ride with nothing more than a sore arse, unused to spending much time on any sort of push bike. I also bought a second hand Wheeler on Friday. I'm going for a swim tonight, in lieu of running. My foot still hurts.

On going for a swim, I discovered that I have been sorely neglecting the, er, maintenance of my upper body. The biceps and latissimus dorsi weren't too pleased with my attempt at the breaststroke.

Week of January 6 - January 12 2003: day 212 - 218
It's been fairly uneventful the past week. We went on a bike ride on Saturday and it hurt my knees. Not running yet, my foot still hurts. I feel rather inactive and need to do something.

Neil and I are going on an overnight cycle trip this weekend. He asked if my knees would hold up. I don't really know. I hope they do, because I enjoy being out on a push bike.

David Carr from Samizdata.net is trying to quit smoking. I don't know about anyone else, but even when I was smoking (and was just not having one at that very moment), the smell of other people's cigarette smoke irritated me.

Week of December 30 2002 - January 5 2003: day 205 - 211
So the New Year passed fairly uneventfully, smoking-wise. I saw an old friend of my sister's who also didn't believe me when I told her I'd quit. I reminded her that I wasn't smoking at all. It's called smug, baby.

Week of December 23 - 29 2002: day 198 - 204
When I get really, really angry, I still think about having a cigarette to calm down. But I haven't.

Plus, when I sprained my ankle a while ago, I think I hurt my foot as well, and not only has that not healed, I think it's got worse. So I've been instructed not to run for a while. Sigh.

My sister's back from New York for a short vacation, and she commented on how I've now gone all weird and athletic.

Week of December 23 - 29 2002: day 198 - 204
When I get really, really angry, I still think about having a cigarette to calm down. But I haven't.

Plus, when I sprained my ankle a while ago, I think I hurt my foot as well, and not only has that not healed, I think it's got worse. So I've been instructed not to run for a while. Sigh.

My sister's back from New York for a short vacation, and she commented on how I've now gone all weird and athletic.

Week of December 16 - 22 2002: day 191 - 197
The weather's looking kind of ominous. I guess if it rains I won't take my radio with me on my run. I like rain.

I think I'm going to take this journal to a weekly entry thing. It's kind of boring to post every day when I've got nothing to say.

Never underestimate the power of psychology. I ran the 'Mum's not here, Cavenagh Road - Bukit Timah Road - Newton Road - Thomson Road - Chancery Lane (I know this part alone is 1.5 kilometres) - Bukit Timah Road - Cavenagh Road loop tonight, the first time since the marathon relay, and it felt much easier than it did before (I was exhausted before, now I'm somewhat tired). I think it's because I now know I can do this distance now without suffering too much (my right knee is a bit sore, though).

I'm only going to have run once this week. I think this has become a not smoking, running blog. Who'da thunk?

Sunday December 15 2002: day 190
I'm going to run tomorrow. I am.

Saturday December 14 2002: day 189
Pubs with outdoor seating are good.

Friday December 13 2002: day 188
I've been such a slacker this week, I've only run a tiny bit. I'd planned to, last night, but have been distracted by web site stuff (that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it). Next week will be different, I swear.

Thursday December 12 2002: day 187
Office Christmas party was yesterday. I'm pretty used to going to these things and not joining my usual smoking, er, buddies. Also, I keep saying I'll bring my lighters and leave them at work, but I keep forgetting.

Wednesday December 11 2002: day 186
I think I will join a running club at some point. I think. Faboo dinner at Iroha last night (okonomiyaki).

Tuesday December 10 2002: day 185
I thought I'd take it easy last night. That was the easiest one kilometre I have ever run! Just six months ago, one kilometre reduced me to a huffing, puffing mess. Sweeeeeet.

Monday December 9 2002: day 184
I will keep running. Not sure if a running club is in my future.

Sunday December 8 2002: day 183
We did it!

Saturday December 7 2002: day 182
Last night was one of the few times I went out with a group of people and no one smoked. Marathon's tomorrow.

Friday December 6 2002: day 181
Lazy day. Fantastic.

Thursday December 5 2002: day 180
Yeah, baby! Five kilometres in a personal, erm, record time of 36:19. I fucking rock.

Wednesday December 4 2002: day 179
One should not run when one has not had enough sleep and is tired. Sigh.

Tuesday December 3 2002: day 178
Agh! The marathon relay is Sunday morning! Aaauuuggghhhh! I'm going running tonight and tomorrow night, but that's about all I have time for.

Monday December 2 2002: day 177
Hmpf. I feel ignored. But I got an e-mail from my mate Jeff, who congratulated me (on e-mail) for not smoking for almost six months. He says I have willpower. Validation is nice.

Sunday December 1 2002: day 176
One more day till Bailz is meant to post some other special award for my not smoking.

Saturday November 30 2002: day 175
I avoided going out to talk to the others who were outside, having an after dinner smoke. Boy, that was tough.

Friday November 29 2002: day 174
In line with Buy Nothing Day, I'm not going to buy anything related to cigarettes, just food and drink.

What a cop out.

Thursday November 28 2002: day 173
It took me around 42 minutes to run the entire route at my usual pace (Neil, I managed to run where it killed my knees before), so I'm thinking it's more than five kilometres. But I don't really know.

Wednesday November 27 2002: day 172
Going to run that new route tonight. I've told Neil he's missing out on a chance to see a huffing, puffing, tired little girl trot past his flat in the evenings. Really attractive with my bright red face!

Tuesday November 26 2002: day 171
I'm pretty sure that route is a lot closer to five kilometres than four. The slight incline on the last 500 metres or so back home are killer on my knees. My route takes me past my mum's, then past Neil's, then through an expensive, exclusive part of the city (a small, huffing and puffing Chinese girl sweating past houses will surely raise the profile of the neighbourhood), then back to my place takes about 40 minutes to complete. If I run the whole way.

I'm not even sure how to comment on this: Philip Morris has implemented a smoke-free workplace in Melbourne manufacturing facilities.

Monday November 25 2002: day 170
I have a new run route (Mum's in Australia, so I'm not going to the track this week). I have no idea of the distance, just that it'll take me at least half an hour (I think). So it's four kilometres at the minimum.

Sunday November 24 2002: day 169
Woke up late and tagged along on a shopping trip. Ate rather nice burritos. Too bad they were deep fried.

Saturday November 23 2002: day 168
The dentist likes my teeth, and she likes my tattoos, too. Haven't been doing much, a little work, a little play.

Friday November 22 2002: day 167
The plan is to have a quiet night tonight. Lots to do tomorrow. I have to go to the dentist, among other things. Bleah.

Thursday November 21 2002: day 166
It's been good this week, so far.

Wednesday November 20 2002: day 165
I was at a bar for a couple of hours last night, and it was comparatively less smoky than other bars I've visited. Or maybe they just have great ventilation.

Tuesday November 19 2002: day 164
Hm. Haven't run. I promise I'll try harder. At least I haven't smoked!

Monday November 18 2002: day 163
The marathon (relay) is on really, really soon, and I'm not running enough. Ah well.

Sunday November 17 2002: day 162
Today my mother asked me if I'd started smoking again, because there is an ashtray and lighter sitting on a table on my balcony. *embarrassed* That lighter's been there since I had friends over in early August, and I still haven't cleaned it up.

The weird thing is I keep thinking it's not possible I've managed to stop for this long, that I've got moments I don't remember when I've started smoking again. I reckon I'm (figuratively) beating myself up too much about having (psychological) cravings.

Saturday November 16 2002: day 161
I stayed in today, only venturing out to get a haircut (and some exercise, but the sloth-like crowds on Orchard Road frustrated me).

Friday November 15 2002: day 160
It was blissfully quiet last night. I went to Neil's to spend the night, and we watched Lenny Henry in Pieces, Are You Being Served?, and 'Allo 'Allo. Much eye-rolling was done. I've not run enough this week, so I took the 30 minutes to walk to Neil's instead of taking the train.

Thursday November 14 2002: day 159
Went out last night. 'Twas smoky. Stayed up too late. Knackered now.

Wednesday November 13 2002: day 158
No running tonight either. Sigh. Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail asking if I was at the track 'the other night'. How bizarre.

Tuesday November 12 2002: day 157
Oddly enough, I got a stitch long after I passed the two kilometre mark.

I think we're heading out for dinner tonight, so no running for me.

Monday November 11 2002: day 156
Running tonight. No running tomorrow. I still wear a brace when I run, my foot still feels bruised. I wonder when I'll stop thinking of having a smoke when I'm out at pubs and the like.

Sunday November 10 2002: day 155
Slept in. Ate. Yum.

Saturday November 9 2002: day 154
Really felt like having a cigarette at Derek's party, but I didn't. Go me.

Friday November 8 2002: day 153
Quiet night in. Nothing to report.

Thursday November 7 2002: day 152
I did five kilometres in about 38 minutes. I'm slowing down! Oh wait, I didn't run at all last week. I brought water with me last night, too, and I think carrying the bottle threw me off-balance. In case no one's noticed, running is my new replacement addiction.

Wednesday November 6 2002: day 151
I ran three kilometres last night, the air was cool after the afternoon's rain. I breathe deeply, and I pant a little as I try to pick up the pace over the last 400 metres. I won't be able to do that when I'm back to running five kilometres (tonight).

Tuesday November 5 2002: day 150
Cool. Over five months now. The haze more than makes up for my not smoking. I think the monsoon season's starting, too. Great weather in the tropics, they say. The sun is bright and beautiful, they say.

Monday November 4 2002: day 149
Had lunch with the usual suspects. No one smoked. Been feeling strange all day, though.

Sunday November 3 2002: day 148
Didn't go anywhere. Just reading a bunch.

Saturday November 2 2002: day 147
I still feel like a cigarette now and then, especially when I'm out on the weekend, but I'm so used to not smoking now. How strange.

Friday November 1 2002: day 146
Friday! I'm really tired this week, and it looks to be a quiet one, not too much to worry about. Outstanding.

Thursday October 31 2002: day 145
Keeping on keeping on. Temptation still rears its head, but I'm dealing as best I can.

Wednesday October 30 2002: day 144
I've not been going out. I'm okay. My foot hurts.

Tuesday October 29 2002: day 143
It already feels a bit strange not to exercise. And I feel a cold coming on (green tea, orange juice, fruit, I'm healthy, me).

Monday October 28 2002: day 142
I actually continue to be amazed I've successfully not smoked for this amount of time. Oh, and I've sprained my ankle. Idle hands / feet, you know. Better focus on work.

Sunday October 27 2002: day 141
Had brunch, people were smoking outdoors. It's still not easy, but I'm surviving.

Saturday October 26 2002: day 140
Quiet night, had dinner and a few beers at a pub I don't really like, so there was nothing to fear.

Friday October 25 2002: day 139
Did five kilometres in about 37 minutes last night. The endorphins kick in after about three kilometres, and I find staring into space, into the trees, makes things much less tedious. We've got nasty haze going on, too.

Thursday October 24 2002: day 138
I'm doing pretty good.

Wednesday October 23 2002: day 137
My legs are aching. Heh. Took a break from running yesterday, spaced out watching teevee and doing some freelance work. For those who might've just joined us, I talk about inane things like running on this smoking journal because the exercise reminds me what lovely effect not smoking is having on my lungs.

Tuesday October 22 2002: day 136
I made it, I ran five kilometres. In 35:20. Not a great time, but outstanding for me; I've never run five kilometres ever. Four months ago, you would've never convinced me I could run more than one kilometre without wanting to keel over from exhaustion and general breathlessness. I rock!!!

News aside: World doctors get tough on tobacco. I cannot believe advertisers have the balls to claim some cigarettes are relatively safe. We smokers (I still call myself a smoker, yes) are smarter than that, and we make our own choices.

Monday October 21 2002: day 135
Attempting to run five kilometres tonight. Wish me luck. I have a wee stopwatch on my cheap digital Casio and everything. And a walkman.

Sunday October 20 2002: day 134
Stayed in and watched a video last night, so I felt fine. We're picknicking today, so all that wholesomeness should have a positive effect. Ahem.

Saturday October 19 2002: day 133
Felt quite tempted while out last night, was feeling extremely upset over Neil's death (in public, even), but I didn't.

Friday October 18 2002: day 132
Was at a random party last night. Survived the smoke fine. My legs are a bit achey from the running, though. I'm pretty confident I can run the five kilometres needed for the marathon relay, but now it's my ankles that aren't so sure.

Thursday October 17 2002: day 131
Ran three kilometres. I have lungs I can breathe normally with!

Wednesday October 16 2002: day 130
So much on mind. Cannot cope. Sort of. I'm all right, just busy being introspective.

Tuesday October 15 2002: day 129
I didn't start smoking again.

Monday October 14 2002: day 128
A morning like this is enough to make me want to start smoking again.

Sunday October 13 2002: day 127
Had lunch at sandwich bar. I'm so sensitive to people smoking around me now. Sigh. My nose is itchy.

Saturday October 12 2002: day 126
Dinner, beers and Zouk on Friday = didn't do much at all. Except we showed up at the Mitre at midnight then headed off to Orchard Towers (yuck) at about 1am.

Friday October 11 2002: day 125
Went running with the wee man (Derek) last night. He slowed down to accommodate me, I sped up to accommodate him. Don't think this is the start of a regular running date. And boy, can I talk a lot. I kept up a regular chatter, we talked about lungs hurting and stuff like that (the wee man smokes).

Thursday October 10 2002: day 124
I ran one kilometre on Monday, and two last night. Might actually make five by December. 60 days to marathon.

Wednesday October 9 2002: day 123
I'm doing well, I'm doing well. I annoy people by telling them I've stopped smoking so I'll get flak if I start again. No real desire to so far.

Tuesday October 8 2002: day 122
I don't think shin splints (suspected) are a good thing when one is hoping to run a marathon relay in two months. Oo-er. Maybe if I vary my pace according to levels of pain...

Monday October 7 2002: day 121
Now I'm thinking of adding comments to this section. I want encouragement and cheers and lots of virtual back-slapping, dammit. Um, going running tonight. Now I own more than two pairs of shorts I can go running in, which is good.

Sunday October 6 2002: day 120
I had a great, relaxing day today. Ended it with an outdoor screening of Chicken Run for World Animal Day. Also, found out last night I'm probably doing the 5.5km leg of the Singapore Marathon. And last week an aunt asked if I had a goal when it came to running; I guess I do now.

Saturday October 5 2002: day 119
If I can get completely off my face, like I've been doing for ages, and not smoke, I must be doing something right.

Friday October 4 2002: day 118
So I timed myself last night, I ran a kilometre in 5 minutes and 45 seconds. Not so fast, but not that slow. Running a kilometre at a time is probably my limit on the track. I think I need to put batteries in my walkman, I need something to distract me while I'm running if I want to go for longer.

Thursday October 3 2002: day 117
Busy busy. Going running. Reading and running are my anchors, they're my, what, anti-drug?

Wednesday October 2 2002: day 116
Was told of a jujitsu class I might be interested in. Was told I couldn't wear shorts, had to wear trousers or trackies. That's next week. That's a maybe. I like having lung capacity.

Tuesday October 1 2002: day 115
Going running is the plan. Grand scheme is to do a combination of climbing / bouldering and running, so I work out both upper and lower body (and I like having nice latissimus dorsi). Let's see if I ever get around to it. My climbing shoes need to be used.

Monday September 30 2002: day 114
Just Monday, nothing special. But, oh my.

Sunday September 29 2002: day 113
Had dinner at a pub, Neil's back, so I've been.. er... busy.

Saturday September 28 2002: day 112
Got really drunk last night but don't remember smoking. Wasn't told if I had been, either.

Friday September 27 2002: day 111
Spoke to someone yesterday, a long time habitual smoker, who reckoned my keeping count of the days since i've quit is indication that I'm not really interested in quitting. I had to respectfully disagree, I've been in enough situations where I had opportunities galore to light up, and I've not felt an overwhelming desire to just suck it all in.

Thursday September 26 2002: day 110
I'm bzzing bzzing like a bee... lalalala.

Wednesday September 25 2002: day 109
Been too busy to talk, eat, breathe, let alone think about anything like having a smoke.

Tuesday September 24 2002: day 108
I've never liked cigars. I tried one of those mini-baby-cigar-type-imitations once, many years ago, and it was terrible. Speaking of, the person I tried that horrible thing with, he's an ex boyfriend, and I ran into him last Sunday. I haven't seen him in what must be five years, and he looks exactly the same. Still smoking, too.

Monday September 23 2002: day 107
I know it's annoying when I tell people exactly how many days it's been since I quit. I did say I'd be a pain in the arse.

Sunday September 22 2002: day 106
I survived the Terry Fox Run! Having started to question the wisdom of my super-duper-ultra-fitness plan at the start line, I figured I was there, so I'd better not chicken out. The 'guest of honour' was a government minister who didn't even run, what a gyp. He just stood on top of the bridge and waved the start flag. I ran most of it, but definitely had to take breaks, so I walked for maybe about a kilometre. There were men on Harley Davidsons that were, well, very loud. Mark and Kristen ran the whole way, so they finished ahead of me, but I was only one minute or so behind at the finish line. Oh, the pride... so next weekend is the Sheares Bridge Run, and Kristen reckons I should do it, it's only a kilometre more than what we ran today. Why not?

Saturday September 21 2002: day 105
Wanted to smoke last night. Didn't. Yay.

Friday September 20 2002: day 104
As Kristen notes, the Terry Fox run is on Sunday, 8am. One hopes I have not bitten off more than I can chew. I'll see what I can do about before and after photos to show you how unfit I am.

Thursday September 19 2002: day 103
Study Shows Television Ads Drive Down Youth Smoking. This contradicts what I said yesterday, maybe, but maybe not. I'm just talking about how I feel anyway. Doesn't matter, really.

Wednesday September 18 2002: day 102
Been running. Not getting enough sleep. Joints are aching. Ultra-sensitive to (not necessarily irritated by) cigarette smoke. My opinion is the QUIT ads are ineffective. Nothing like an anti-smoking ad to make me want to light up. Even when Christy Turlington says it's ugly. I don't think anything will deter the committed adult smoker until they make the choice to stop themselves. I really think the best anyone can do is to educate children about the psychological addiction, which compounds any physical addiction. And then just hope.

Tuesday September 17 2002: day 101
In an e-mail to Orchid last night, I told her it's really hard not to smoke, but it's also really easy not to smoke. Isn't that weird?

The Independent has a story about how nicotine gum and patches don't appear to be working so well any more (according to a study).

Professor Martin Jarvis, head of the health behaviour unit at University College London, said the study was "interesting but by no means definitive" and that its conclusions had been "oversold."

The other researchers who seem to support the findings of the study talk about the psychological habits associated with smoking that need to be broken. I'm sure nicotine replacement therapy helps those who are really physically addicted, but he is definitely under-selling the psychological habit. They also talk about a three-month quit rate. I feel validated by that.

Monday September 16 2002: day 100
100. One freaking hundred. I rule!

Sunday September 15 2002: day 99
I don't mind if people smoke around me. People who've found out I quit keep asking if it's okay to light up in my vicinity.

Saturday September 14 2002: day 98
Last night I held a lit cigarette for the first time since I quit. I'm happy to report that no other contact with alien life form was made.

Friday September 13 2002: day 97
This is the secret: I'm going to do the Terry Fox Run for Cancer Research next Sunday morning. Anyone who knows me in person knows I'm not a great athlete, I'm not even a mediocre one. I love running (well, sprinting), but once I started smoking, it became harder and harder to catch my breath. Being asthmatic, along with years of competitive running and gymnastics in school had taken their toll on my joints.

Why is this a major deal? I've never done anything like this before (because it's going to physically hurt plus I'm a wuss), I'm far more likely to donate money than go sweat it up for charity. It also reminds me how much more lung capacity I've gained since I stopped smoking, and gives me a focus.

But I won't be running a marathon anytime soon, or ever.

Thursday September 12 2002: day 96
A good long sleep is sweet, sweet relief. Special (n)sj secret will be revealed tomorrow, if all goes to plan today.

Wednesday September 11 2002: day 95
I'm even more tired today.

Tuesday September 10 2002: day 94
I'm tired.

Monday September 9 2002: day 93
No time to run today, so I'm just going to walk quickly to the parental units', where a dinner has been planned for relatives visiting from Malaysia. The destination is only 10 - 15 minutes from my home.

Sunday September 8 2002: day 92
Did domestic things and spent time with the parental units, so thoughts of smoking were few and far between.

Saturday September 7 2002: day 91
Went to a party last night, was offered Gauloises, said no. Twice. I wanted to grab a cigar and stick it up an annoying baldy man's arse, though.

Friday September 6 2002: day 90
In 275 days, I'll have quit smoking for a year. 90 days isn't too bad, but looks puny in comparison, though.

Thursday September 5 2002: day 89
I thought it was going to be two things, this big secret of mine, but it'll have to be just one, through bad scheduling (not) on my part. But it's probably going to happen, and I'm not sure which one I'm going for yet, so it's still a secret.

Wednesday September 4 2002: day 88
This is getting to be a bit of a drag (hehe. 'drag'), but as I said before, it helps me keep count and stay focused. I've been thinking about doing something to give this journal more... depth and frantic energy (so to speak). All will be known next week, I think. It will be a great challenge for me, and as with most of my pet projects, will be done completely solo (unless someone feels charitable and wants to offer their company). It's a secret because I'm not sure if I want to do it yet.

Tuesday September 3 2002: day 87
Was asked if I would be one of those super-annoying former smokers who'd freak out if anyone near me lights up. I think not.

Monday September 2 2002: day 86
I dreamed I'd had a couple of cigarettes, and then felt deathly guilty about the whole thing. Virtual guilt for virtual smoking.

Sunday September 1 2002: day 85
The usual Sunday.

Saturday August 31 2002: day 84
At an event like Womad, I would have been sitting there, puffing away on my Marlboros. It felt singularly weird not to.

Friday August 30 2002: day 83
Tired. I have a cold. When I had a cold while I was still smoking, it was icky.

Thursday August 29 2002: day 82
Too uneventful to mention so far.

Wednesday August 28 2002: day 81
Not a day goes by that I have to make a conscious decision not to quit quitting because we're all going to die anyway.

Tuesday August 27 2002: day 80
It feels like forever since I stopped smoking, and not wholly in a bad way.

Monday August 26 2002: day 79
Whoo.

Sunday August 25 2002: day 78
Quiet Saturday night. Almost equally quiet Sunday.

Saturday August 24 2002: day 77
When bar staff turn the aircon off (read: please go home now), pure, unadulterated cigarette smoke has a habit of finding my nose. Ugh.

Friday August 23 2002: day 76
Still going. Got a congratulatory note from an old flatmate. He found this site by typing my name into Yahoo!

Thursday August 22 2002: day 75
I've really been too busy and tired this week to think about much. But the weekend is nigh.

So is Philip Morris Altria yet?

Wednesday August 21 2002: day 74
Bailz gave me assets, that naughty boy.

Tuesday August 20 2002: day 73
Show me more appreciation for quitting, dammit! Yes, I'm talking to you, the entire universe who had been nagging me to quit smoking.

Monday August 19 2002: day 72
One wonders if one should include a JavaScript counting the number of days I've quit, but one realises it would be a redundant piece of 'look at what I can copy off scripting sites'.

People start smoking and keep smoking (or not) for all sorts of reasons. But the fact remains that it is a choice made by an individual, not one foisted on them by movie stars.

Sunday August 18 2002: day 71
Doing fine. Lalala.

Saturday August 17 2002: day 70
While too much cigarette smoke makes my nose hurt, I've always thought cigars smelled too strong. Also their dual use doesn't make me any more keen to be near them, goodness knows where they've been...!

Friday August 16 2002: day 69
69... hehehe. That'd keep me busy for sure. I think I've been relatively successful in breaking the alcohol / beer - cigarette and coffee - cigarette associations, but I've not quite yet beaten the end of the day - cigarette one.

Thursday August 15 2002: day 68
There's Emotions Anonymous (yeah, really, I just found out), is there a Smoker's Anonymous in Singapore?

It doesn't matter, because I don't think I need a twelve-step plan... neener neener neener.

Wednesday August 14 2002: day 67
Erm, I'm not so busy after all, it took less effort to set up than I thought. But it's all still good, I'm feeling rather positive and not thinking about smoking.

Tuesday August 13 2002: day 66
I'm trying out a new project at work, so I'm too busy to obsess about cigarettes. Wahey!

Monday August 12 2002: day 65
British American Tobacco Malaysia Bhd is introducing new cigarette packaging to attract the 18-30 age group, while Mayor Bloomberg in New York wants to ban smoking in all bars and restaurants.

Hey, Sis. Nice to know you're reading.

Sunday August 11 2002: day 64
Nothing. Absolutely nothing to report.

Saturday August 10 2002: day 63
Haven't gone out to any bars the last couple of nights, so I've been doing just F.A.B. But the ashtray at home is filled, I had people over last night.

Friday August 9 2002: day 62
Nothing to report.

Thursday August 8 2002: day 61
Apparently I am fitter, which explains my reverting back to my insomniac ways, instead of collapsing in bed after some exercise (not that kind of exercise). Not sure if this is a good thing or not, sleep deprivation vs. fitness. It's terrible, I tell you.

When I no longer think of cigarettes while I'm feeling emotional, I think I'll be 'cured'. Like meat.

Wednesday August 7 2002: day 60
Nights out at smoky pubs (I didn't go anywhere last night, I'm just rambling) leave me with an itchy throat and racking coughs when I get home. Most distressing.

I ran 1.2 kilometres last night. Walked a lot, too. My knees sweat. Not feeling any fitter, though. It feels nice to be able to run and draw deep breaths without feeling like death microwaved on a low setting.

Tuesday August 6 2002: day 59
Having nothing substantial to say is probably a good thing? Scotland is the 'sick woman' of Europe.

Monday August 5 2002: day 58
... uneventful. So far.

Sunday August 4 2002: day 57
Mark asked me last night if I'd really quit, if it was all over. I explained that I couldn't even lapse once because my personality is that... addictive.

Saturday August 3 2002: day 56
I was offered a cigarette (last night) for the first time since I quit. I was quite pleased to decline, and Kristen happily chimed in that I'd quit.

Friday August 2 2002: day 55
Now I realise how much my clothes smell of stale smoke after a night at the pub. Ugh.

Thursday August 1 2002: day 54
Rabbit, rabbit. I quit in June. June, July, August. Never thought I'd see the day I'd do this. I've always doubted that I could stop smoking completely, so right now I'm beaming with pleasure, baby!

Wednesday July 31 2002: day 53
Apparently successfully quitting smoking involves having been able to stop for one year. I imagine that habitual smokers might think that a touch unfair sometimes. I haven't gone this long without smoking before, and I think it deserves a little more recognition than needing to wait over 300 days more before I'm seen as really having quit.

I ran much further than I usually do last night. Which still isn't far, maybe only about a kilometre, but my stamina isn't quite anywhere yet, and my knees start to burn after a few hundred metres, so it's walk, run, walk, run for a little over three kilometres.

Tuesday July 30 2002: day 52
Tired and grouchy. Perfect setting to re-start smoking. But I don't think I will.

Monday July 29 2002: day 51
BBQ last night. First BBQ I've been at where I've not smoked. Go me.

The (US) CDC says seven in ten smokers want to quit (link from Gene Expression). Yeah. I smoked for eight years and wanted to quit for seven. I wanted to stop, but I wouldn't. 'Wanting to' doesn't mean anything.

Sunday July 28 2002: day 50
Nothing new to report.

Saturday July 27 2002: day 49
I dreamed that I smoked. But I didn't, not at all. It's getting easier, but it's not easy yet.

Friday July 26 2002: day 48
Ah, validation! Writing this (for the public?) is definitely therapeutic. Even though I am writing about the very thing I'm trying to stop doing, it keeps me focused on what I'm achieving. And as I said when I first quit, it'll embarrass me to no end if I start smoking again. So its benefits are doubled. Bargain.

I don't know about the sex being better post-quitting, though... *thinks* You know, I think I see what he means. Heh.

Thursday July 25 2002: day 47
I'm waiting to hit day 365. Could take a while.

Wednesday July 24 2002: day 46
Ailing ex-smoker's final days are subject of French TV ad. While I see the good intentions behind this, when I was smoking, all the horrible images in the world couldn't stop me. My excuse was at least I knew what I was going to die of, you know?

Tuesday July 23 2002: day 45
Neck hurts. Can't run. Slept bad. Testy.

A study says cigarette taxes help deter people from smoking. I don't believe it.

Monday July 22 2002: day 44
I think about smoking, I think about how nice having one cigarette would be. Then I think about how I'd have wasted my efforts if I have one. And I stop thinking about it.

Sunday July 21 2002: day 43
Non-event, once again.

Saturday July 20 2002: day 42
The last time I was at Sound Bar, I smoked a whole pack, so I'm thinking it was quite refreshing to smoke none last night. Other than that, this weekend's been pretty tame and not too tough to deal with.

Friday July 19 2002: day 41
Neil goes around telling people that I quit smoking, the sneaky boy. *grin*

And bailz is so cute.

Thursday July 18 2002: day 40
I don't think 'I just woke up one morning and decided I'd had enough' is a good tip on how to quit smoking. Ah well. Day 40!!!

Wednesday July 17 2002: day 39
I ran a bit further than I usually do last night. Do I feel actual fitness coming on, or is it just a touch of gas? I didn't know Canterbury made rugby shorts that tight. Boys in red and yellow striped rugby shirts look like injured bees. Going out for drinks is always a challenge on the 'not smoking' front. I'm going out for drinks tonight.

Tuesday July 16 2002: day 38
Yup, still here. Haven't smoked yet.

Monday July 15 2002: day 37
Going running, if there's no rain and my knee joints agree to behave. The lack of any real stress is probably helping me somewhat.

Sunday July 14 2002: day 36
Was at a party last night, it was rather warm and smoky, but all right. Sunday's usually a non-event.

Saturday July 13 2002: day 35
Didn't smoke last night, but was very tempted to.

Friday July 12 2002: day 34
Going away party / drinks tonight. A friend's leaving for Japan. Could be tough. Must. Concentrate. On. Drink. Will. Be. Stupidly. Drunk.

Thursday July 11 2002: day 33
Still going strong (like cheese, or unwashed socks).

Wednesday July 10 2002: day 32
It's relatively easy to not smoke when I'm at home most of the time. Or I'm out running, out with Mum, out with Neil.

Tuesday July 9 2002: day 31
Unfit ex-smoker running on a humid night. Pant.

Monday July 8 2002: day 30
I'm pleased with myself and my previously non-existent self-control in a way that could be described as narcissistic. An acquaintance, herself a former smoker, passed on a message through Mark and Kristen that she was very proud of me. Booya.

Sunday July 7 2002: day 29
The cravings are still around, especially when I'm feeling a little annoyed, but oddly enough, not as bad when I go out to clubs and bars. Curious.

Saturday July 6 2002: day 28
One month down, the rest of my life to go.

Friday July 5 2002: day 27
I reckon if my life had more highs and lows (drama! suspense! intrigue! whodafuckdunnit!), I'd have been dependent on much more than cigarettes. And more often, too.

Thursday July 4 2002: day 26
I'm still doing all right. I mentioned an odd thought I had to Neil: sometimes I feel like I've gone and smoked, but I don't remember doing it. I know I haven't because my fingers don't smell. I wonder if my brain gives me these thoughts as some sort of overcompensation for not smoking. Delusions, just what I need.

Wednesday July 3 2002: day 25
*beams* The longest I'd ever gone without smoking (without quitting, though) was a month, some time way back in 1999. I got pissed one night and had a cigarette, thus re-embarking down that, er, long slippery slope. Not repeating that would be nice.

Tuesday July 2 2002: day 24
I never noticed how many people smoked before. Now I bloody well do. Damn, that's a lot of people.

Monday July 1 2002: day 23
I love using this blog / journal to keep track. Makes me feel accomplished.

I didn't make it to the running track this evening, it's been raining and my mum doesn't want to get wet.

Sunday June 30 2002: day 22
Neil got back yesterday. Didn't even think about it, I've been too busy... heh. Sat and ate in a smoky pub / restaurant to watch the World Cup final. Lovely.

Saturday June 29 2002: day 21
I was wavering quite a bit on Friday night, but I concentrated on my drink and got over it. Phew. Did you know it costs $10 to get a friggin' bottle of water in Next Page?

Friday June 28 2002: day 20

It was recently brought to my god-like attention by andrea, that I had said that she, andrea, would fail within 2 weeks in her (andrea's) attempt to quit smoking. She (andrea) kindly pointed out to me (not andrea) today, the andrea of june, that it has been 3 weeks since she (andrea) last sucked on a cancer-stick, and that she (andrea) was still going strong, like an andrea.
bailz, DrivelWarehouse.com

Thursday June 27 2002: day 19
Feeling quite pleased with myself. I admit, though, I still entertain those old thoughts when I see someone smoking, like 'one won't hurt', but it bloody will (and I don't entertain them long enough to get a craving). I've already said this, but this is what I'm thinking about right now. Yeah, there were blokes smoking at the running track.

Wednesday June 26 2002: day 18
I've gone running for three days straight, and I'm going again tomorrow. Overkill on my part (?)... but I haven't smoked yet. At the moment I'm feeling confident I've got over the worst of it. And it wasn't bad at all.

Tuesday June 25 2002: day 17
After talking about it (look for Nov 12's entry, but I wouldn't bother, it's a one-liner), I've actually gone running. Only a little, I'm unfit and have no stamina. I go to a running track with my mum, walk about 800-1200 metres with her, run for 400, then finish off by walking another 400-800 metres. I know it's not much, but if I'd done this a month ago, I'd feel like dying after 400 metres of running, not just a little out of breath like I do now. My point is: I think my lungs are already recovering and I'm not abusing them as much. Beauty!

Monday June 24 2002: day 16

I'm the kind of person who likes to solve problems by smoking. How do I know this? Because every time my mind encounters a problem it says "OK, I'll just have a cigarette then." I bet a lot of other cigarette smokers deal with problems the same way. Now that I don't smoke, I still have the idea that smoking will help me deal with problems. It's funny, one part of my brain has figured out that this is wrong (in fact smoking causes more problems than it solves) but a deeper part of my brain still believes it. This leads to some funny arguments inside my brain.
Dave Winer, Scripting News

Sunday June 23 2002: day 15
It's pretty clear that if I even bum one smoke, one drag of a cigarette off anyone, I'll be back to where I started. Those thoughts aren't to be entertained, are they?!

Saturday June 22 2002: day 14
Yay!

Friday June 21 2002: day 13
Didn't smoke. I'm not sure sitting in a smoky bar, in the company of two blokes who were smoking as if their lives depended on it was much healthier for me, though.

Thursday June 20 2002: day 12
Not too many cravings yesterday. Not smoked yet. Could I be getting over-confident?

Greater risks from passive smoking - and extra cancers

Non-smokers who live with smokers are at a 20-30 per cent increased risk of developing cancer, particularly lung cancer, because they are exposed to carcinogenic smoke, research for the World Health Organisation (WHO) showed.

I was the only smoker in the flat.

The trend for teenagers to start smoking at younger ages puts them at even greater risk, with some reaching the age of 40 having been committed smokers for 30 years. That pattern will be confirmed in Britain today with new research showing that 10 per cent of children aged 11 to 15 smoke regularly.

And that's because if your parents don't want you to do it...

I'll never be the kind of former smoker who goes around lecturing people about smoking. You do what you like, and if you want to give up, you will. Nothing I say or not will change anything. Rabid anti-smokers are just annoying, anyway.